Live

 

Where do I go from here? That question has been swirling around in my mind since my mother's passing. I knew this day would come but it was easier to just push those thoughts away and live in the moment. Well, I can't do that anymore. The day is here. Losing my dad was hard but we still had my mom to lean on and care for, so that lessened the blow a bit. There was no lifeline to hold onto when mom left us. I'm lucky to have my sisters and my brother and their families. We hold each other up. We'll still have those holiday gatherings, but it won't be the same without mom. We always felt dad's loss more around the holidays and we'll be missing both of them now.

I'm glad to have a job that I love and that is busy, because it helps the time pass. I've enjoyed my job more this past year than I ever did, because it brought new challenges. I needed that because it was getting a little monotonous, especially with the isolation of working from home. I rose to the challenge and overcame a lot and I still learn new things every day. It's the evenings that are tough now and weekends will be too, because I have time on my hands. I work overtime whenever it is offered, just to keep busy. Nutrisystem and getting the weight back off is a good distraction. Today is day 3 and I'm doing it. Am I hungry ? Yep. Sure am. Am I giving in to that ? Nope. Fitness is a struggle too and I'm working on getting my endurance back. That is going to take a while ! I'm working out during my lunch but after this week I plan to work out after work too. I'm easing into it this week because my calories per day are well under 1000. Next week I'll be back to my normal 1200 so a second workout won't be an issue. I will get back to my goal weight. I'd like to be there by December 31 but that's a stretch goal. We'll see.

I bought myself a new Fitbit Luxe and that is being delivered tomorrow. It has more options for keeping track of your exercise and it was on sale, so I got a great deal. A new toy will provide a little extra motivation and I need all I can get ! I've also been working on decluttering and cleaning my house, because it got out of hand while mom was ill. For a brief moment Sunday I nearly didn't start that project, because it felt overwhelming. Everywhere I looked something needed to be done. For once I pushed through that and just took it one room at a time.  Turned out there really wasn't that much to be done and I even had time to wash my car ! I have some heavier "fall cleaning" planned for this weekend - fun things like scrubbing floors and bathrooms !

Everything is one day at a time now. One foot in front of the other. Focus on the positives. Remember the good times. Live. I may not be able to make more memories with mom but that is no reason to stop living. I know mom wouldn't want that. So, live it is. I just have to figure out how to make the best of the time I have left on this earth.