The Rest of My Life

  “Strength grows in the moments  when  you think you can't go on,  but you keep going anyway.” The past few months have been hard, but the past week pushed me to the edge. Thursday 11/17 my heating boiler stopped working. The service guy that came out to fix it got it working but as soon as he left it stopped again. $480 out the window. He couldn't come back that night, so I limped along until the next day. Friday rolled around and he had jobs lined up, so he sent some other guy to my house. That guy got it running but it again stopped soon after he left. I was able to get it running again and had heat all night. Saturday rolled around and no heat again. Nothing I did could get it to run for more than a minute and no one could come out. I ended up holing up in my bedroom with a space heater and my 2 cats since the temp in my house was in the low 50's. I watched Christmas movies all day to pass the time and try to keep my mind off the heating issue.  I had ...

"Sleep doesn't help if it's your  soul that's tired." Truth. My soul is definitely tired. The slide started long before my mother passed away but since her passing it's accelerated and seems to have no bottom. Mom's stroke was 3 months ago and she's been gone 2 months now. Some days it doesn't seem real - you wake up and have to wonder for a minute if it was a dream. My childhood home goes on the market tomorrow and that makes the loss that much more real. I've come to realize that mom's passing affected me more than I thought and today I resolved to fight my way out of the abyss. I thought maybe I was depressed but it's really not that. I'm certainly sad that my mom is gone but I can't blame where I am on depression. Really, I feel adrift more than anything else. My life hasn't changed that much but on Saturday's mornings I used to roll out of bed and look forward to those casino trips with mom. Those Saturdays became s...