Checking In

 "Success is not final, failure

 

is not fatal: it is the courage

 to continue that counts."

This quote is attributed to Winston Churchill and he was certainly right about courage to continue. It took a lot of courage for me to finally address my weight and my financial and physical fitness, and to do it in a public manner. I knew I had to put it out there to help keep me accountable and anyone who actually knows me knew I was extremely overweight, so it really was no secret. It's not like I didn't know how fat I was. It's not like I didn't know my finances were a mess. It's not like I didn't know I was not physically fit. I did know. I knew it for years. Still - to say it out loud was no easy task. For some reason I wasn't able to seriously address any of it until I finally hit the proverbial wall in December 2018. I hit that wall hard and I feel like it was the lowest point of my life. The good news is it's been all uphill since. I've stumbled along the way and I've backtracked some but I've never given up the fight. The courage to continue is not always easy to come by. Some days I wonder why I bother .. because life did not magically change when I reached my goal weight. Truthfully, it was just an ordinary day. The good thing is those thoughts are fleeting because life DID change. Maybe it didn't change as much as I'd like but whose fault is that ? Maybe nobody's. Life is what it is, I guess. I feel better, I look better and I don't worry about how I'm going to pay my bills. I have a roof over my head, a car in the garage and a good job that allows me to work from home. What more can you ask for ? Considering the current state of the world, I am pretty fortunate. So that's how I chase away the negative thoughts when they creep in.

A while back I decided it's time to stop counting days. I started Nutrisystem on January 4, 2019 and I remain committed to the program. I reached my goal weight on July 23, 2021 and lost over 150 pounds. After taking a break from exercise to focus on work I gained a bit of weight back. On December 28, 2021 I started working on getting back to my goal weight. The next milestone in this paragraph will be the day I get back to 150 or less pounds. I started this "new" blog since the journey I started back in 2019 is over and I'm transitioning to my new life. 

Life has been a bit of a whirlwind since last Thursday night. My awesome employee discount for DirecTV ended March 9, as we sold off the company. I really wanted to stay with them because I had no complaint with the service, but in order to watch Nat Geo Wild I'd have had to subscribe to a plan that costs $120 a month. No way was I doing that for one channel. I really only watch Nat Geo. I might pop onto another channel if I see something interesting in the program guide but that is rare. So as scary as change is for me I went ahead and canceled it and signed up for the Disney+ bundle that includes Hulu and ESPN. I went with the no ads option and it's $19.99 a month. That's a far cry from $120 !! After work Friday I loaded the apps up on my tv's (and my phone) and I was stunned to find all of the tv shows that I love and watch, along with tons more that interested me. The problem here is I might start watching more tv ! My favorite show, hands down, is The Incredible Dr Pol and I can now sit down and start watching it from Episode 1 whenever I want. How cool is that if you're a fan !! I also noticed the picture quality is MUCH better, so that's an added bonus. You would have thought the satellite signal would be better than a streamed signal ! There are also limitless movies and a ton of original programming to watch. Now let me back up a little, because this was not all sunshine and roses ! Thursday was the day our accounts turned from our sweet employee discount to the new plans. They did give us 25% off but that is peanuts considering the new pricing structure. I can't blame them, they're in business to make money and times are tough in the wired world. I had never checked the new DirectTV plan to see if the channel lineup was changing. I knew the premium stuff was going but I had no idea Nat Geo was going too. I went to bed Thursday night, later than usual, only to find I could not watch Dr Pol. I was so mad that I was up half the night going back and forth to my computer to view channel lineups and streaming services. In the end I got about 3 hours sleep. Friday was a much better day once I familiarized myself with the apps that were already on my tv's, called up to cancel DTV and signed up for the new service. After work I activated everything and set up my profiles. I was surprised at how excited I was about the change !!! It is like a whole new world has opened up to me ! Yet again, sometimes things DO happen for a reason ! I had been afraid of jumping to streaming even though I'm pretty tech savvy. It's all about change. Wired cable or satellite service was just easy and I've had it for over 30 years ! Well, now that I've made the transition it will be smooth sailing .. unless the internet is down .. lol !

Saturday was my usual casino day with mom. I didn't know if it would happen due to the winter storm warning but the worst of the snow had passed by late morning and nothing major was predicted for the rest of the day, so off we went ! We had a fun time at the slots and had dinner at Upstate Tavern. We did run into blowing snow in some areas on the way home that made the driving a little treacherous but we made it home safely. Another quick round of snow blew through early Sunday morning but it cleared up by mid-morning. I wanted to go to Costco so I picked up mom and we spent some time there. I've been wanting a small tv for my home office and I found a reasonable 32" Vizio. Costco was a zoo as always ! After Costco we went to Cracker Barrel for an early dinner. We both get the chicken & dumplings and we both brought half of our meal home ! After I set up the new tv I ordered a stand for it from Walmart and decided to rearrange my office.

Monday was a quiet day but work remains super busy. My days certainly never drag ! Weather was warmer than it has been the past few days and with the sun it was nice ! I rearranged my office (and cleaned!) after work and I am much happier with the new setup. I'm facing the windows now so I can see outside, instead of staring at a blank wall all day ! I won't have glare on my computer screen anymore and the stand for the new tv will fit right in. Moving the treadmill was no easy task but I survived - that was my evening workout !

Tuesday was another busy day and my butt dragged all day. I was awake at 2:30 am and got up at 5:30. Before work I roasted a big pan of veggies and cut up a huge salad, so the time didn't go to waste ! I didn't work out during my lunch hour as I had to run to the post office to get my mail and a couple of packages. Well, then I didn't work out after work because I treated myself to a new phone and that was delivered ... so of course I had to set that up ! I don't have a case or screen protector for it yet so I'll be carrying it around in bubble wrap until I do .. lol ! I got a few other things accomplished around the house so it's not like I sat on the couch all evening.

Today was another crazy busy work day. It seemed like everything I touched was just a complete disaster. Lunch time rolled around and I hadn't made my bed or gotten dressed. I hadn't even finished breakfast and never had my morning snack. I didn't work out because my day was so "off". I had a hard conversation with myself while I made that bed and got dressed. I have yet to 100% recommit myself to Nutrisystem and my exercise program. I'm doing better with staying on Nutrisystem but eating in bed has crept back in. It seems like I am hungry in the late evening so I'm going to go back to having lunch and dinner later. I often eat because "it's time" instead of because I'm hungry. Part of that hard conversation involved my weight. I haven't made much progress towards getting back to my goal weight. This is all within my power to change EASILY but I just haven't buckled down. I tried taking each day as it came, but when you hand yourself a "get out of jail free" card every day that just doesn't work. I need to serve myself some tough love and that's just not easy. I let myself get away with everything ! Today I just felt like life was going 1000 miles an hour and I could not keep up. So I need to slow it down and just do it. This is not hard. I have a freezer and pantry full of Nutrisystem food. I have a refrigerator full of veggies and Nutrisystem compliant food. I like the food. So the diet is not the biggest issue. The easy fix with diet is not having anything in the house to tempt me, since I'm not good at moderation right now. Exercise is where I'm struggling the most. I know what the problem is - I'm not happy with the loss of endurance and feeling like I'm "starting over". Whose fault is that ?!?!? So instead of doing what I can and rebuilding, I'm avoiding and taking every excuse that comes along to justify it. I've always been my own worst enemy and I'm sabotaging myself - undoing all the hard work of the past few years. I set a goal to get to 125 workouts in by March 31 and I'm only at 63. What are the odds of completing 62 workouts in 16 days ? It's doable if I complete 3-4 every single day. I could "cheat" and do a bunch of 10 minute workouts - there are plenty in the iFit library - but that doesn't really accomplish the goal in my eyes. So I've set my sights on 100 by March 31 and 250 by June 30. There is also the fact that I have a wedding to attend in July .. I want to rock a killer dress for that !!!

On a more positive note, my day improved after my I pulled myself together. Did I work out this evening ? Nope. Today's excuse was the delivery of the stand for my new tv. Well, that was a bit of a disaster because it's not tall enough for where I have the tv. So I now have the console table I always wanted for the hall ! I ordered an appropriately sized stand today and that will hopefully be here Friday. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a less hectic day but I suspect all my days are going to be hectic so I just need to suck it up and keep going. What else can you do ?